#62: Why Your Preteen Dancer's Lack of Motivation Isn’t a Sign to Quit

Is your once-excited dancer suddenly whining about going to class? Are they coming home tired, complaining, or glued to their phone? Before you think it’s time to pull them out of dance, listen to this week’s episode.

I’m diving into why motivation dips (especially in those tricky preteen years), what’s really going on with your child’s body and mind, and why they need dance now more than ever.

If you’ve ever wondered:
 👉 Is this just a phase?
 👉 Should I force them to keep going?
 👉 Is dance still good for them?

Then this is the episode for you.

Share this one with your dancer too — it might be exactly what they need to hear.

Join the Expression Lab before it's too late! Classes begin May 6

www.brittanynoltimier.com/lab

Transcript

Lacking in motivation to go to dance class does not mean that you don't love dance.

Welcome back to Dance Colleges and Careers. I'm your host, Brittany Noltimier and this is the podcast where we talk about all things dance, colleges, and careers. Today we're going to dive into motivation, what keeps us going, and especially around those preteen years when we start to have a huge hormonal shift.

Whether your child is obsessed with dance or you still have to fight them a little bit to go to class, it probably doesn't mean that they don't love dance. In fact, I want to put this out there right now that if you're here with me, your child loves dance. Okay. And we are here together to support them on that journey and hopefully help you get over a couple of these pre-teen bumps along the way.

One of the areas I think when we start to think, should my child still be in dance or not? Is it time to pull her? Because now she's starting to complain a lot more. Now it's not as easy to bring her to class. She's coming home whining and tired and lethargic. And what used to be a spunky young girl who I couldn't get out of the studio. Now it's getting harder and harder to get them to go to class or get them to go without whining. Well,

just say, remember moms, our kids usually whine to you first. I don't have kids, I'm sorry. But who do I call to whine to first? I call my mom. Sorry mom. I'm sorry, you know call and you talk about the problems, you talk about things you're struggling with, and who gets that first call? Often our mom. So moms, I'm sorry if you're getting the whining, but you often get that whining first. It doesn't mean they don't love class, it doesn't mean they don't love dance, it doesn't mean they don't want to go to class.

means that whining is a lot easier than getting up and getting something done. Am I right? Yeah. Think about it. What are you whining about right now in your head that you're putting off that you don't want to do? What's something you don't want to do? And it's not because you don't like it or it's not important. It's just, hey, it's a heck of lot easier to sit and scroll on our phone. It's a lot easier to sit and watch YouTube than it is to get up and go dance.

But that doesn't mean we should quit or not be doing it anymore or that it's no longer servicing us. Absolutely not. That's when we need it even more. If we're struggling to get away from the screen, maybe it's because we're starting the day out on the screen. Do you ever do that? I find days when I, and I'm a terrible culprit of it too. I'm on my screens all the time. But when I wake up and scroll through my phone before I do something else better for me, it makes me keep coming back to the phone.

why these programs are created like this, right? They are meant to be addicting. Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube. The point of the app is to be addictive. They want you to stay on the app. It's not like, this is just educational, here for you to learn, Absolutely not. They are created to be addictive. And while that's fun and great and just a part of our lives now, giving into that addiction,

and or allowing your child to start there and leave class more often just because they want to be on their phones. I don't think that sounds like a very good plan. I am really, really glad that like Instagram came out at the time it did in my life because yeah, I know how easily it is to get addicted to just taking photos and selfies and

and not putting the phone down or even the simple task of leaving the phone alone for the entire hour you're in dance class. I know in college, we'd bring our phones and you'd stash them in places and hope people wouldn't find it so that in your breaks you'd go out and check your phone. And yeah, that's what we did and that's what you try to get away with as students and stuff like that. But that doesn't mean that you don't love dance.

It means that that distraction is really strong and you probably need dance even more than you think. You need to have the separation from your phone.

we need dance more than ever to keep us in tune with our body and get us out of the screens and help us live in life, live this life rather than just watch other people living it.

Another place those preteen years is when your hormones start to heighten and they cause us to be more lethargic. You know, it is awesome when you're little and you're tiny and you know, people say, well, how do you have the energy to do all that stuff? Well, that's because you're kids and your body's created that way. And then when the hormones start coming in, it causes us to be more lethargic and makes some regular day tasks feel more difficult.

even though they're exactly the same as they were last week.

And that's why a lot of people do drop out of dance when they puberty and their bodies start changing being able to turn and lift your leg to your face is starting to get a little bit more challenging. You used to just be built like a stick and now we're starting to get curvier. Your hips are growing, maybe you've gained some weight, especially our top starts to get a little bit heavier.

and you have to figure out a whole new sense of balance. Now, at this point in our dance career, we're no longer able to just learn new skills, right? That's the other awesome thing when we're nine to 11 is we're still learning how to do pirouettes, how to do leaps, how to do these new skills. And then once we hit those preteen years, it's no longer just that this is something brand new. Now we're taking it to that next level.

It is how do we put these things together to create a dance? How do we take these things that we already know and make them more mature? So it takes some of the some of the brand new flashy steps, flashy things that we're working on and learning. And we have to, again, get more mature about how we're going to class because it's no longer just, I learned how to do this today. Yes, we are learning how to do that. But really, at this point, you should already have like steps A through Z in your tool belt.

And now it is how you put them together differently in a different set of different set of steps, different in and out of it with different transitions and working through different styles of music to bring out stylistic movement and choreography rather than just steps.

So there's a lot, parents, there's a lot going on at this age, like 12, 13, 14. There is so much more going on than just, don't wanna go to dance today, or, oh, I'm on my period, so I don't wanna go to class,

or even simply whining to you about how they don't want to go to class and you giving in. I could be wrong, but I just like don't give in. Don't give in because we whine to our moms. We whine to our parents, whether you listen to it or not. You know, that's a good thing when we can shut that down and just only that's when our selective hearing comes in, right? your kids are going to whine. We all whine. I whine. We're going to whine, but.

It doesn't mean they don't want to go to dance class, or it doesn't mean that they shouldn't be there, or it's not the right fit for them. You got to see what happens once they get to class, right? If they get to class and then snap out of it and get moving and then they are the dancer that you have always known and loved and seen, then great. If they have that stank face attitude from the first minute all the way through on a consistent timeline, then it's time to reassess.

I'm not just saying that for your kid, also for the teacher because we're just getting to a disrespectful place

what's better for them?

Personally, think exercising and staying active, especially as a young kid, is super important. It's important as an adult too. The minute you stop moving, the sooner your body's gonna age and start hurting in more and more places. Am I right? Do you feel that? I feel that. My lower back, I used to never ever ever in my whole life have lower back pains. And now that I spend more and more time on the computer like this, in this...

sitting position, it's tightening my lower back. And it's crazy, it's wild. And all I need to do is get out of my chair a little bit more and stretch. I need to stretch, I need to be more active with my lower half. I'm fully aware. And then I spend a few more hours at the computer and I realize it's a mistake. But hey, we're human, it's something I'm working through. And it's a total change for me. It's very confusing because I've never had lower back pain in my whole life. And now all of a sudden I'm having a lot of back pain.

stinks and I had to go through this whole cycle of this is happening how do I actually fix this? Well turns out my answer is getting out of the chair getting active and getting fit again.

if your kid is having a lack of motivation to get to the dance studio, remember, it doesn't mean that they don't love dance or that it's not the best decision for them. But it gets harder when we get older, our bodies are meaner to us, Especially when those curves start popping out. It makes everything more challenging.

if your dancer needs to listen to this episode, pass it along to them. Okay. And hopefully it can inspire. Hopefully it can help us realize that we're all going through this together.

Our bodies are all gonna change, your motivation changes, and quite honestly, your interests change as well. So it's okay to assess and go and dig deep down for why we do things because we need to do stuff for us. I always say we need to dance with purpose. I lost my purpose for a little bit and it was killing me inside. I didn't know that's what I needed.

but I'm starting to get lethargic with what I was doing and why I was doing it. I got my purpose back and it gave me meaning to everything I do. Every minute of the day counts and is very important to me.

and it's because I have my purpose. you're losing that, dig down deep, find your purpose and understand why you do what you do. Thanks so much for listening to Dance Colleges and Careers.

Catch you on next week's episode. Until then, be brave, tell your story, and own the stage.